Stop “should-ing” yourself.
During a practice coaching session within one of my workshops, a peer trainee said to me, "Can I pause you here? You keep should-ing all over yourself!" We laughed; however, this served as an aha moment for me. I recognized that my saboteur was driving my inner monologue, and it was time to rework my vocabulary.
First, let's examine the definition of should as stated by Dictionary.com:
- auxiliary verb
simple past tense of shall.
(used to express condition): Were he to arrive, I should be pleased.
must; ought (used to indicate duty, propriety, or expediency): You should not do that.
Inherently, the use of the word "should" is a form of critique or judgment. By "should-ing" ourselves, we evoke regret, shame, self-blame and enter the dangerous territory of crafting limiting beliefs.
As I thought more about my inner saboteur and the belief system I wanted to create for myself, I recognized that a simple mindset shift needed to take place. For example, "I should be spending more time on my website content" repositioned as "I'm excited to spend more time on my website content" would replace the negative mindset of defeat and instead fill me with the energy to get started.
While this isn't groundbreaking stuff, it is something we are all likely to trip over once in a while. The result of using this dirty little word is that we operate from a place of judgment rooted in the past. Doing so creates unnecessary anxiety and stress, which ultimately limits our ability to be creative and solve problems. By shifting our perspective and focusing our word choice on the future, we become ready for action.
Next time you catch yourself forming the word "should," think about what you truly want. The pressure that you are putting on yourself may be rooted in the expectations of others and not authentic to what you want or who you are. The practice of reworking these statements not only will help you become more positive and action-oriented, but it will also allow you to journey on your path.